


Missing A Blue Sky

by leusignac (Golbez)



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Gift Fic, Illustrations, M/M, Mystel naming conventions, Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers, Spoilers, but the beginning of friendship that leads to ship, not actually shippy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-21 16:04:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21077642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Golbez/pseuds/leusignac
Summary: Kai-Shirr, and his changing, shaken world.





	Missing A Blue Sky

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hiragi_Houx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiragi_Houx/gifts).

> yes i know kai-shirr stayed in gatetown. i totally didn't forget this until doing a cutscene rewatch after writing half the fic already, don't @ me

  


This is not the first time that Kai-Shirr has seen Lue-Reeq.

He's seen the self-proclaimed hunter mostly when he's going to and fro from Eulmore proper, his expression often consumed by anger as he marches out past the city gates. He learned the boy's name from the groups in Gatetown that bother to gossip, and has wondered ever since why someone dressed so finely would bother to leave Eulmore. But then, why would _anyone_ leave Eulmore?

Lue-Reeq does. So no, this is not the first time Shirr has seen Lue-Reeq, grumbling to himself as he walks right up the main pathway through Gatetown, bow strapped to his back, clothes still well-pressed for someone who has been away for so long.

And it is not the first time they'll talk either. Shirr runs up to him, and to his credit, Lue-Reeq doesn't flinch. This time.

"Can you stop doing that?" mumbles Lue-Reeq, still keeping his pace and pointedly trying not to look around.

Shirr doesn't answer, instead launching straight into his questions. "You can eat all the meol you want right? What about the things they want up there? You must 'ave heard something, right?"

Lue-Reeq doesn't answer. He never does, only shying away from Shirr's attempts to get a word out of him. Then he passes through the gate with little said to Shirr, and Shirr is left on his own once more.

***

He rattles off a list of names, as Lue-Reeq once more stomps through Gatetown. Names of friends, of people who had shown Shirr at least some measure of kindness. He doesn't know if any of them think of him as a friend in turn; he was always too afraid to ask.

"...have you heard anything about them?"

To his surprise, Lue-Reeq stops in his tracks this time. 

"No," he answers, "I've never heard of them. "

Before Shirr can ask anything more, Lue-Reeq bolts away and leaves Shirr alone yet again.

There isn't anyone else in Gatetown he can approach, so he finds himself wandering through, kicking at rocks and trying to think up a way to get into Eulmore. He grumbles as he walks, turning his precious few ideas over and over, yet none of them seem likely to work.

Shirr stops, and looks up. He is at the edges of Gatetown, where the houses grow sparse and the well-worn cobblestone road tapers off into a worn road wrapped by unmaintained wilderness. Why would his feet carry him here, when Eulmore is the opposite direction?

He _can't_ leave...

He kicks at a stray pebble, sighing to himself.

"You'll wear out your shoes faster kicking at things like that," comes a voice to the side. Shirr looks over, and finds an elderly hume woman taking down clothes from a line. She gives him a nod.

Shirr hesitates. Few in Gatetown tolerate his presence, talk of his begging having spread quickly. But it's not as though he has anything else to do right now.

He shuffles over to her, mumbling, "It's just a bad habit."

"It's not a _bad_ habit to get rid of," she says sharply. Though she stoops quite a bit, and stands shorter than him, Shirr feels as though she is looming over him when she speaks. "Why did you stop walking there?"

He pauses, and looks behind him to the end of the road. Why did he stop? Why couldn't he just..._go?_

"I have to get into Eulmore. That's not the right direction."

She eyes him as she takes down the last on her clothesline. Shirr can feel her scrutiny. He wonders how much of him she can determine just from looking at him. 

"There are other places in the world a fine young Mystel boy can find his fortune," she finally says, and she turns away, toward her hut, with all her laundry neatly folded into the basket she's tucking under her arm. "Small as it is."

Shirr shakes his head. What did she know? She likely had someone who brought her meol to keep her fed and happy.

_Meol_...his stomach twinges with pain. He hasn't eaten in a while, and the hunger is a familiar companion that threatens to consume him when he isn't thinking about anything else.

He looks up to answer the old woman, and finds that she has disappeared into her hut and shut the door.

***

He hides when travelers, outsiders, come to Gatetown, and he listens. He recognizes one of them, the young elf who frequently visits, who asks questions, who has _a plan_.

And, the hunger in his stomach driving him, the pain spurring him onwards, Shirr decides to finally act.

***

The gash on his arm has healed quickly. Whatever Alphinaud's magics were meant to do, they've worked wonderfully, and Shirr can barely see the scar. He still remembers the pain, can still feel the knife cutting through his arm as he walks up the path lined with purple trees to the Crystarium's only gate. That slowly fading sensation guides his feet, together with the familiar return of hunger.

He's heard limited stories of the Crystarium, and the Amaro trainer who gave in to his pleas and gave him a short ride over to the mainland told him a few more, but it's hard to say what's true and what's not. He thinks of Vauthry's awful booming voice and harsh demands, and wonders if the mysterious leader here is anything like that at all.

Worse still, something strange has happened in Lakeland. He looks up at the sky, at the bright, brilliant blue that has curiously replaced the everlasting light.

"Halt."

He looks down and finds a Viis glaring down at him, her thick gray hair blinding in the sunlight as it cascades down over her armour. Shirr stops as commanded, suddenly hesitant. Maybe this wasn't the best idea after all.

Still, he has no other options.

"State your name and where you are from," demands the Viis guard, her gaze piercing through his fledgeling certainty.

"K-Kai-Shirr from...from Gatetown, miss," he answers, dropping his gaze to her feet. Fear strikes him quite suddenly. What if she already...knew of him? What if she threw him in a dungeon, or handed him off to Eulmore, or even simply turned him away...?

"Ah, Alphinaud mentioned you might come this way someday."

His gaze shoots back up to her in surprise. "H-he did?"

"Yes. I am Captain Lyna." She tilts her head, gesturing toward the looming tower behind her. "Alphinaud informed me you might come through here. There is a place for you in the Crystarium, if you wish to take it."

"I..." Shirr stares at her, trying to grasp the sense of her words. Alphinaud had cared, not only to give him his way into Eulmore, not only to heal his arm, but to make a place for him after all was done, even with his prior protests. He stands there, in front of this Viis woman, and finds that all he can do, as tears wet his cheeks, is nod.

If Lyna is surprised by his crying, she does not show it.

But she does come over to his side, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. "You are a friend of the Crystarium," she tells him, "You are safe now and you needn't worry any longer."

***

Bands of yellow and orange color the sky, and Shirr, on his way home to the Pendants, stops in his tracks to look up. He isn't the only one to take a moment to stare. Despite the busy urgency that seems more natural to the Crystarium, others around him pause to take in the sky as well.

His arm has been bandaged, and his hunger chased off with warm fish and fresh bread. The days since his arrival have been filled with learning the Crystarium's ways, and shyly following after Captain Lyna upon realizing he knew no one else here.

Today though, she had left him at the Crystalline Mean, and sternly told him to search for work within its facets before hurrying off to her patrols. So Shirr had spent the day trying to make himself useful, even if moving boxes was perhaps the best he could do. It's better than nothing. Better than relying on others again and again.

Darkness starts to encroach upon the bands of colors, shaking him out of his thoughts. Shirr turns away and makes for the Pendants once more, leaving behind those still enraptured by the changing sky.

Despite himself, he finds himself meandering towards the Wandering Stairs, where its patrons are likely to ignore him again.

Shirr pauses halfway up the steps, gripping the railing. He hesitates, waits. What for? Someone to stop him, someone to yell at him, someone to turn him away and tell him, _get out, you don't belong here—_

"Hey...hey! You don't look so good—" Someone does come, shaking him, and Shirr blinks and his vision focuses once more, and standing before him, a few steps up and frowning at him in concern, is Lue-Reeq.

He stares, as his breathing calms, and realizes with a jolt that perhaps he should have expected to find Lue-Reeq here. There is no where else in Norvrandt he can go.

"I...I'm fine," he mumbles, gaze dropping. "Just needed a moment."

A pause, and Shirr feels, for some reason, a great tension on his shoulders. There should be nothing to fear, not with Lue-Reeq, but still he cannot bring his gaze any higher than the floor.

"Wait, aren't you—" Lue-Reeq gasps, shaking him again. "You're that one sinner—the one who won't stop asking me questions! _From Gatetown!_"

Shirr winces, feeling a horrid tightening in his chest, and, without thinking, shoves Lue-Reeq away, turns on his tail, and runs for the Pendants.

***

"You seem to be doing well, Kai-Shirr."

Shirr looks up from the box he's just set down, and finds Captain Lyna watching him intently. He offers her as much a smile as he can, as he's seen others around the Crystarium do when greeting each other.

"They've been keepin' me busy here," he tells her, then glances in the direction of where the fishers are making ready for the day. "Er...and Master Frithrik's making sure I get a lot of fish..."

Lyna starts to say something, then pauses, staring at him with surprise. She shakes her head, and returns his smile with a faint one of her own.

"Good to hear," she says, nodding. "Kai-Shirr, I'm afraid I have something to ask of you."

He blinks. "There's not much I _can_ do..."

Lyna grimaces, then glances around. She has caught him to the back of the Mean, where no others frequent, amongst storage boxes and near-forgotten materials. When she apparently determines they are alone enough, she clears her throat. "I know this will be a great undertaking to ask of you, but...I would ask you to return to Gatetown and serve as the Crystarium's eyes and ears upon Eulmore."

He freezes, as he grasps at her words. Return to Gatetown? Return to the horrible hunger, the endless fear, the... He glances down at his arm, where the bandages have been removed, leaving only a clear scar that he knows will fade with time too.

But his other scars...

"You may refuse if you wish," adds Lyna quickly. "We can send other spies."

But _you_ are from Gatetown.

Shirr draws in a breath, raises his head, and looks her in the eyes. He suspects that other spies would have a hard time getting used to life in Gatetown, and a much worse time gathering information from its distrustful people. And more than that...to be of use for something unique to him. Isn't that what he wanted? To be chosen...?

"I'll go," he tells her.

***

Shirr scratches his arm as he watches the airships heading east, black dots marking the endless light. He has given his message to the Amaro trainer on the eastern coast concerning the obviously growing military activity in Eulmore. What little else he can do is to bide his time in Gatetown, and wait for his chance to return to the Crystarium.

The scar on his arm is sure to fade soon, he muses, as he resumes skirting around rocks to reach the western side of town. Better to appear as if he has come from Wright, though no one has spared him even a glance upon his return to Gatetown. It has been odd to go back to the slow, lazy days of having little to do but lament one's lot in life, where in the Crystarium life was defined by the hardwork and determination of its people. 

Shirr wonders if, one day, the people of the Crystarium can show those of Gatetown—maybe even Eulmore—the wonder of such a life. Maybe after the everlasting light ends. Maybe he can even have a hand in it.

"You've the air of someone who's worn out his shoes quite a bit."

There is that old woman again, smiling at him. She isn't handling her laundry this time, but sitting in a wooden rocking chair that has seen better days, leaning it against the wall of her hut. This time, he doesn't hesitate to walk over to her. She watches him impassively, though Shirr can pick out the beginnings of a smile resting beneath her neutral expression. 

"I went for a really long walk," he says.

She nods. "It must have been a particularly long one for you to return and have the air of a completely different man."

"...is it so obvious?" Shirr asks, a twinge of panic rising in him. Has he not been acting like he used to well enough?

"Only to someone who has paid attention to you before," she answers, smiling reassuringly at him.

Shirr squashes his panic. She's right, certainly. The people of Gatetown have never cared for him, and he has been invisible to them for most of his life. Why should they start noticing him now?

"Miss Olvara, I've returned!"

A familiar voice resounds from behind him, and Kai-Shirr turns just in time to spot, of all people, Lue-Reeq rounding a corner, lugging with him a pair of heavy, lidded buckets. Lue-Reeq stops, taking in the sight of Shirr standing by Miss Olvara.

Shirr isn't certain what he's thinking, and he starts to move, to step away, when Lue-Reeq drops the buckets, spilling clear water everywhere.

"Get away from her!" shouts Lue-Reeq, running toward them, flailing his arms angrily in Shirr's direction.

Shirr starts to back away, raising his hands before him. "Woah, I wasn't doing anything—!"

"It's all right, Reeq," calls out Miss Olvara, rising from her chair. "We were just talking. This one isn't a complete stranger to me either."

Lue-Reeq comes to a stop before them, immediately at Miss Olvara's side. He glares at Shirr, an expression swiftly supplanted by recognition.

"How do I keep running into _you?_" he groans.

"Oh, you know each other," muses Miss Olvara, looking between the two of them with a knowing smile. It's curious, but Shirr finds himself growing more and more comfortable under her scrutinizing gaze. With Lue-Reeq's attention on him though, Shirr can only return his stern glare.

"Oh, we've talked," he says.

"More like _you've_ talked," grumbles Lue-Reeq. "Wait, weren't you at the—"

"Dunno what you're talking about," Shirr quickly says, giving Lue-Reeq a pleading look not to say anything more. To the other Mystel's credit, he does seem to catch on, as he shuts his mouth and frowns. Shirr offers him as best a grin as he can, then starts to stride over to where Lue-Reeq dropped the buckets. "H-hey, let's go get some more of that water, huh?"

Lue-Reeq eyes him suspiciously, ears angled flat against his hair, but he does turn to Miss Olvara. "It should be faster this time with two of us," he says.

"Oh, don't you worry about making me wait here," she says with a smile. "Go on, it'll be good to spend some time with your friend."

"Right." Lue-Reeq sees to her a moment longer, maybe to ensure she is comfortable in her seat, while Shirr waits with the pair of buckets he has collected.

"I didn't think of you as a chores sort of person," Shirr admits when Lue-Reeq walks over to him to take a bucket. He matches his stride, as they move in the direction of the Watts River. Unlike his trips across Kholusia when he has messages to send, they take the road, avoiding the plains of monsters wandering about.

"Miss Olvara's important to me," snaps Lue-Reeq, pointedly not looking at him.

They walk in near-silence, Shirr humming to himself as he tries to drown out the faint ringing permeating the air. Gatetown is always noisy, but out here, in Kholusia's fields, the familiar suffocating pressure brought rolls over the landscape unimpeded.

Their silence is largely maintained when they arrive at the river, broken only by Lue-Reeq directing Shirr a ways upstream to gather clean water. They get to work, Shirr still humming to himself, wondering if he should say something. Maybe ask a question, for old times' sake.

"Oh fine, I give!" Lue-Reeq finally breaks the silence, dropping his half-filled bucket as he throws his hands into the air in exasperation. "I need to know. Just what is this—_this_—this whole thing! This thing that's going on with you? First you're asking me questions all the time, then you're in the Crystarium, then you're back here! What is this?"

Shirr makes sure his bucket is filled, taking a moment to cover it with its lid and set it down on the even ground beside him before turning to Lue-Reeq. 

"I was asked by the folks in the Crystarium to come back to Gatetown...to keep an eye on things here," he answers quietly.

Lue-Reeq stares at him in open surprise, a glint of interest in his eyes now. "...you're a spy?"

"Wasn't always one..." He leans over, grabbing Lue-Reeq's abandoned bucket. He may as well get the work done for him too. The other Mystel doesn't seem to notice this, as he continues his own chance at questioning.

"Is that what all those questions were about?"

"Oh, wicked white, no." Shirr shakes his head. "I really meant all those questions. I...I wanted so badly to get into Eulmore, I needed to know more and you were always passing through."

"But...you went to the Crystarium instead?" Lue-Reeq's frown deepens, and Shirr feels as though he's being interrogated.

"Lied my way into Eulmore, and Vauthry didn't like that," he mumbles, feeling a familiar itch gnawing at the flesh of his arm. No, no, this isn't how he wanted this to go. But what was _this?_ A chat between...friends...acquaintances? A chat between Mystel boys with nowhere else to go?

_This_ is the first time he's talked to Lue-Reeq properly, he decides, and he'd like to think they're even on equal footing now. He looks Lue-Reeq in the eyes. "Long story short, I escaped, went to the Crystarium, and they made me a spy."

"That's, uh, pretty exciting," admits Lue-Reeq. "Um...why'd you run away that one time? In the Crystarium?"

Shirr takes a moment again to cover the bucket he's filled, before setting it aside with the first. He draws in a breath, wishing Lue-Reeq didn't ask this, wishing he doesn't have to confront this. He hasn't had an answer all this time, but Lue-Reeq seems determined to draw one from him.

"I was...scared, I suppose. Didn't...expect to see you there," he says quietly. He turns away from Lue-Reeq, toward the river. The light rings in his ears, his arm itches, and the eastern half of Kholusia stretches onward past the river. Cliffs obscure the beach, where hobgoblins wander, but the ocean is a shimmering band of blue on the horizon to the right. He sighs. "No one else in the Crystarium's...seen me in Gatetown."

He feels Lue-Reeq step up to his side, but he feels none of the fear he felt that day on those steps, not even when Lue-Reeq rests a hand on his shoulder.

They stand in silence, and this time, it is a comfortable one. Shirr feels a peace washing over him, though he can't say why.

"I get it, you know," says Lue-Reeq, "When I first got to the Crystarium, I was always afraid someone was gonna grab me and take me back to Eulmore."

Shirr glances at him. "All right, my turn to ask. What are _you_ doing back here then?"

"I'm on a hunt," Lue-Reeq says proudly, grinning at him. The boy steps away and sits down in the grass, stretching his legs toward the river. "For Andreia—one of the nastier sin eaters."

The name is unfamiliar to Shirr, and he supposes it's just one more thing about their world he doesn't know. He turns to Lue-Reeq, crossing his arms. "That sure doesn't answer why you're living in Gatetown."

"I'm just spending time with Miss Olvara while I gather information," Lue-Reeq admits. "She's...like a mother to me."

Mother. Family. People who care.

"Lucky," mumbles Shirr, then immediately regrets it at the frown Lue-Reeq gives him. He comes over to sit by him, sighing. "Sorry. I just meant..."

"It's fine," says Lue-Reeq.

Silence falls over them again, and they sit there next to each other, watching the river and the sky and the grassy plain across from them. Light rings in Shirr's ear and his arm itches, but for the moment he can ignore them and think about all he's said to Lue-Reeq.

He's been...afraid for so long.

"It's funny, isn't it?" says Lue-Reeq suddenly, and when Shirr looks to him, he's grinning widely and gazing up at the sky, leaning back to prop himself up with his hands. "I spent all my life wanting to _leave_ Eulmore, thinking I had it bad. But you were out here that entire time trying to get in."

"That really doesn't sound funny to me," he says.

"No, I guess it's not that funny."

They sit, and simply listen to the sky and watch the fields. When Lue-Reeq finally remembers what they came here for, he jumps up and grabs his bucket and Shirr follows suit. They hurry back to Olvara, their pace steady, and Shirr, striding along beside Lue-Reeq, thinks maybe things will turn for the better soon.

***

Shirr turns the corner and stumbles into Lue-Reeq, who immediately grabs him by the arms and yells, "What's going on!? Miss Olvara's acting weird!"

His mind is still reeling, his world turning itself over and over. Shirr stares at Lue-Reeq, and draws in a breath. Even that doesn't help, not when the gales Vauthry sent are still washing across Kholusia.

"...meol..." is all he can muster. Lue-Reeq releases him to give him a confused look, and it takes him a moment to find the words. "It's sin eater. Meol's sin eater and the bastard's using it to control everyone..."

Lue-Reeq's confusion gives way to horror, just as his own did, and Shirr shakes his head. He needs to clear his mind and help somehow, while Alphinaud and his friends take Eulmore. Focus on Lue-Reeq, focus on the _now_.

"Let's get Miss Olvara inside," he says.

***

Shirr peers at every person as he passes by, feeling out of place amidst the opulence of Eulmore's decor. He supposes that even if he had managed to stay in Eulmore, he would never have really fit in.

No one spares him a glance as he wanders around, picking out groups of Eulmore's citizens, still in their finery, waiting to be treated. He searches as he walks, dread swirling in his chest as he ticks off each face as _not_ being one of his friends. The friends he had wanted to follow into Eulmore.

Do any of them remain? Have they all been turned into sin eaters? Into...into meol...

Eulmore is busy, bustling, as the people who have recovered sort through the aftermath of the attack by the Warriors of Darkness, as people confront the truth of their society. The noise drowns out the sky's ringing, and makes it hard to think.

He circles round to the platforms outside for some air, but it feels like the noise lingers in his ears anyway, mingling with the light's sharpness this time. He looks over the scenery, the ocean stretching onward and wrapping around Eulmore's abandoned outposts.

Shirr pauses, as his gaze drifts over a figure serving as a break in the scenery. Lue-Reeq, standing by the railing and evidently lost in thought. Perhaps the last person he expects to see here.

"Reeq?" slips from his lips, without thinking.

Thankfully, when Lue-Reeq turns to face him, he doesn't seem to care for the slip-up. "Oh, Kai-Shirr, um..."

"Is Miss Olvara all right?" asks Shirr, tilting his head.

Lue-Reeq's eyes are tired, as he nods and shuffles away from the railing. That curious wind ruffles his hair as he answers, "She's safe, they're treating her soon..."

Shirr sighs in relief. Curious that he feels a sudden calm, knowing this. It's strange, to realize how dearly he cares about Lue-Reeq and Olvara, perhaps as much as he cares for Alphinaud and his friends, despite the short time he's known either.

"All this is right mad, isn't it?" he muses aloud. Only a short while ago, he'd had little to do but squander his days trying to come into Eulmore. Now, nearly every part of the world is free of the light, and as the day goes on, as the Warriors of Darkness help and talk with the citizens of Eulmore and Gatetown, Shirr has been feeling a hope stirring in him.

"It is," mumbles Lue-Reeq. He grimaces, and meets Shirr's gaze. "I...came up here to see my parents. They're all right, and they should be treated soon, but Miss Olvara..."

"You don't _have_ to stay until they wake up," says Shirr quietly. "Figure you'd want to be with Miss Olvara when she does though."

Lue-Reeq makes a soft, indiscernible noise, but he steps closer to Shirr again, shortening the gap between them considerably, and Shirr, despite himself, holds a hand out. The other Mystel pauses only long enough to consider it, before taking his hand with a nod. His hand is rougher than Shirr expected, but then he's seen Lue-Reeq's bow. Perhaps it shouldn't be a surprise.

"C'mon, Reeq," he says, "Let's go find her together."

No comment comes about his presumptiveness, and when Reeq returns the favor and voices out, "Shirr, maybe I should lead the way," he doesn't protest.

They're friends now, after all.

***

Shirr is with Reeq and Olvara when the light breaks for good.

The sky splits into a beautiful, brilliant blue, and all around them come the yells, the cheers, the swelling of hope into fulfillment as Kholusia joins the rest of Norvrandt in freedom from the light.

It stretches on and on, grand sunlight driving away the once-sickly glow that had dominated the landscape. 

Shirr gazes into that expanding blue, feels the sun's warmth on his skin. He hears Reeq calling to him, to come celebrate, and Shirr feels that maybe, just maybe, he's found his place.

  


**Author's Note:**

> for the wonderful hiragihoux <3


End file.
